im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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