I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
