He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
