I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
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do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize