On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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