Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
