I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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