weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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