I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
