Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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