So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
