Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
