Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
