you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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