I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
