3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
