never play flip cup with pint glasses
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
