Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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