Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
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She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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