My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
