hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize