She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that's an acceptable place to lick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
