wat bout pragnant strippers??
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
