life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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