So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
