my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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