Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
