The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
