i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
