Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
