I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
