I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We need a shit load of segways right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
