He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
