She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
