party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
