i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
