Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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