So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
These tits shall not be calmed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
