On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
