This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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