Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize