nut hugger
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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