i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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