wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
