ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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