Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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