no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
