I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
two words: eviction party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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