I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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