i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Randomize