my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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