before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your cock deserves a montage
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
