Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
