I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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