I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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