When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
