I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
