WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
