I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
