Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
