so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
