I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
