the new term for farting is butt boxing.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
