Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
