Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
