i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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