I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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