I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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